This 99th post will be my last. I can’t make it to 100 as I previously intended. I feel spent of my particularly Mormon concerns, at least to the degree that I want to write about them. I may be fooling myself about this, but I hope not.
Of course, Mormonism will remain with me – as part of my past and in the continuing presence of immediate and extended family. Also, I will continue to feel related concerns, such as the nature of belief and morality, but in more general terms. This makes ending this blog part of my transition to responding to the world more broadly. The world is bigger than Mormonism and I’m ready to feel proportionally smaller in its midst by no longer letting Mormonism circumscribe my attention.
My previous three posts were simply the three letters associated with my resignation from the LDS Church. This was an easy way to move toward 100 posts while expressing my desire to move on. That being said, I want to acknowledge that that the Church’s “administrative action” was easy to complete and, more importantly, that its officials were gracious and respectful in the process.
Perhaps I should have made this move six years ago rather than letting myself be drawn into Mormon-themed podcasts, which provoked my rhetorical backlash. But then, I suppose they uncovered unfinished business. My disaffection 27 years ago was not caused by Internet revelations about Mormon history and scripture. However, encountering these pressed me to re-rationalize my loss of faith by constructing a second argument based on new lines of evidence. The original argument evidently was insufficient.
I’m glad I’ve kept this blog anonymous. It was best not to drag loved ones through 99 reflections that reflect such an unprivileged, and soon to be dated, perspective. If there comes a time when someone close to me really cares to know what I was thinking about Mormonism between February 2013 and February 2015, it will likely still be here. And after he or she samples it, we’ll talk about how my thoughts and feelings have changed.
I think I’ll start looking for truth in fiction. This inclination has been growing of late, thanks to my return to the works of John Updike, George Saunders, E. L. Doctorow, Albert Camus and Sinclair Lewis. Most recently I was struck by the following three quotations from the novelist Julian Barnes’s memoir, Nothing to Be Frighted Of. 
“But the novelist (me again) is less interested in the exact nature of that truth, more in the nature of the believers, the manner in which they hold their beliefs, and the texture of the ground between the competing narratives.”
“I do not mistrust [memories], rather I trust them as workings of the imagination, as containing imaginative as opposed to naturalistic truth. ”
“[Fiction] wants to tell all stories, in all their contrariness, contradiction, and irresolvability; at the same time it wants to tell the one true story, the one that smelts and refines and resolves all the other stories. The novelist is both bloody back-row cynic and lyric poet, drawing on Wittgenstein’s austere insistence—speak only of that which you can truly know—and Stendhal’s larky shamelessness.”
Still, I equally want to engage in a more serious study of how to think properly, first by getting back to the remarkable book Epistemology and the Psychology of Human Judgment  and, perhaps, begin the practice of “mindfulness” meditation. Perhaps a dual (or three part) approach will make my progress toward smaller and more tractable truths more productive. These are the truths that might actually benefit me and others in our relationships. I am thinking of close truths that beckon me to be more alert to the moment-to-moment experiences that deliver proximate meaningfulness, which may be the most real. I have friends and family that may need my material help (if not just my greater presence in their lives) over the next decade or two, perhaps three. I need to prepare myself for them while I can.
To those who have visited, or will visit, this blog, I hope you can make your peace with Mormonism and affect it positively, whether that means making it a more a prosocial institution that moves beyond its more grotesque dogma, or marginalizing it if it doesn’t. That’s JT’s final turn-on-Mormonism.
 Nothing to Be Frightened Of, By Julian Barnes: http://www.amazon.com/Nothing-Be-Frightened-Julian-Barnes/dp/0307389987/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424902382&sr=1-1&keywords=nothing+to+be+frightened+of
 Epistemology and the Psychology of Human Judgment, by Michael A. Bishop and J.D. Trout: http://www.amazon.com/Epistemology-Psychology-Judgment-Michael-Bishop/dp/0195162307/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1424902411&sr=1-1&keywords=epistemology+psychology